A different side of Mom: Physicians May Find Themselves on The Other Side of The Equation

The patient, a 60 year old female physician, was suffering from breast cancer with metastases to the lungs. She had two children, a son age 29 and a daughter 27, who had both just moved back home to care for their mother. Now that the children were there, the hospice chaplain convened a family meeting to discuss the patient's wishes. He suggested they use the Go Wish cards to help ease entry into the conversation.

When the patient identified the things that were most important to her, her children were amazed. Since she was a doctor and also a scientist, the children said that they expected her to be more clinical about her selections and pick the cards having to do with the nurse and/or doctor, being mentally aware or not being in pain. But, they were stunned when she chose cards representing emotions like human touch, helping others, keeping a sense of humor, having family near and not being a burden. They said this gave them a look at the emotional side to their mother, and this led them to feel more comfortable in being able to express their own emotions about her dying. They’d been afraid to hold her hand or tell her funny stories until the meeting with the cards. It opened up a whole new conversation for them about death and dying and life in general, and at the end of the discussion they all hugged.